Lindsay Lohan is Desperate

Guess what, guys? In yet another pathetic publicity attempt, Lindsay Lohan has decided to drop the "Lohan." She thinks she's so famous, she deserves to be on the same level as Oprah, Prince, Shakira, Beyonce, Adele, Diddy, and all those other one-named people. However, she's forgetting that all those names are unique. "Lindsay" is a boring, Anglo-Saxon name on par with the name "Ashley" and slightly more interesting than say... "Sarah." The only one-named person I can think of with a boring name is Cassie, and she's mainly famous for banging Diddy and leaking some nudes (NSFW). Instead of dropping her last name, she should drop that god awful lip collagen or whatever the hell she's got going on there. Remember when she was actually a pretty girl?

 Back then, I thought she really had potential. Everyone talked about what a great little actress she was, she had decent looks, a giant rack, and that All-American Girl Next Door thing going on. And then she turned into this:

Sears the old retinas, doesn't it? Christ, this girl is my age and she looks like she could be my mother. Hell, my 51 year old mother looks better than she does. Although to be fair, Lindsay's lips aren't as inflated as they used to be. Here's one of the most recent pics from her court dates:

Trust me... There were worse pictures than this. I was trying to be nice for once, and she still looks like shit.  Laying off the drugs, booze, and restoring her lips to their former un-sausagelike state would probably do more for her career than dropping her last name. Oh, and therapy for kleptomania might help too... You'd think she and Winona Ryder were long lost siblings or something...

Rihanna Has a Cute Nose

Here's Rihanna at Macy's, hawking her new perfume. Now, I've never had anything against Rihanna. I like her music, and I think she's adorable, has interesting fashion sense, and is making horny teen boys happy one sext at a time. Plus, she got the shit kicked out of her by Chris Brown and the pictures that prove it will be all over the interwebs forever, so I'm not going to be too mean to her...

I mean, look at her. She's so adorable she makes me want to adopt a kitten and take pictures with it in my cleavage. But I digress... I've heard rumors that she got a nose job, so I did a little internet sleuthing. To be honest, there are some pictures where it looks as though her nose has been tampered with. Tampered with Photoshop, that is. No matter how far I go back, she seems to have the same damn nose, just with various amounts of contouring to give the illusion that it's smaller than it is. I even managed to find a couple of decent pictures from before she was famous.

I have no idea how old she is in this pic, but she still has long hair, which to me is a pretty good indicator that she wasn't all that famous when this pic was taken. And look! Her nose sure looks the same, just with less bronzer. Sure, you could argue with me and say that girls as young as 14 can get nose jobs, but then how do you explain this pic?

Awwww... Look at her cute little self! According to the magic of google, this is her at 10 years old. Throw a little bronzer and highlighter on that schnoz, and you'd see the same nose she has today. Some skeptics might argue with me and say she could have gotten it tweaked just a little, but why the hell would you go through the pain of rhinoplasty when your genetics are decent enough that you can fake it with some talented makeup artists?